I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
