My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i love accidental penises.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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