I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Randomize
