i just had sex bonerless
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
