You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
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