Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
