wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
