Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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