Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
