So gin and wine won't be happening again
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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