wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
