I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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