The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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