you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
