I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Is it penis luge time yet?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
