Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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