He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Randomize
