you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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