You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Randomize
