dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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