no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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