My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
