In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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