he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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