I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
