Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
