The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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