New low: just hacked my moms facebook
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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