Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
