Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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