Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
