RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
