sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
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