I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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