I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
