I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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