Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
