i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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