goodnight i made you a song goodbye
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
