Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
