She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
