I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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