And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
