My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
