i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
