it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
