Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
