if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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