sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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