What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
