she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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